"From Struggle to Strength:
My IVF Journey and Guide"
My IVF Journey and Guide"
Real story. Hard-won advice. No sugarcoating.
Written by a solo mom who’s been through it all.
Written by a solo mom who’s been through it all.
✍️ What You’ll Find Inside
This isn’t a guide written from an office. It’s a lived experience.
Here’s what this book really offers:
Here’s what this book really offers:
-
Emotional, medical & financial preparation.
Learn how to handle every aspect before you even begin. -
What IVF is like as a solo mom.
The honest truth — the good, the bad, and the deeply human. -
Step-by-step checklists.
What I did, what I skipped, what I regret — no fluff. -
Honest reflections.
Even the messy, late-night, hormone-fueled breakdowns. -
Permission to be human.
Scared. Hopeful. Broken. Brave. All in one day? That’s okay.
🫶 Who It’s For
I am sharing my experience so that you can have a smoother journey
- Women considering IVF, especially soloYou’re brave for even thinking about it — and you deserve support.
- Overwhelmed by clinics and anxietyI’ve been there. This book helps you breathe.
- Want encouragement, not clinical lecturesIt’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real.
- Feel like no one really gets itI do. That’s why I wrote this book.
About the book
Why This Book Matters?
This guide is for women considering or starting fertility treatment — especially those walking the path alone.
It’s raw. It’s real. Sometimes it’s messy. But it’s honest and human.
IVF is still surrounded by silence and stigma.
It exists behind the scenes of someone’s “official” life — hidden in private calendars, insurance portals, and whispered conversations — while living front and center in their heart, soul, and mind. For many, the process feels lonely, confusing, and even shameful.
No one talks about it. No one teaches you how to survive it emotionally.
This book is a response to that silence. It is a friendly hand reaching out in the middle of a stormy night. No judgment. No perfection. Just truth, vulnerability, and support.
You don’t need to be “ready.”
You don’t need to be brave every day.
You just need to know — you’re not alone.
What You’ll Get:
Step-by-step IVF process explained clearly.
Emotional support, coping tools.
Tips for solo moms, donor decisions.
Financial, legal, ethical insights.
This guide is for women considering or starting fertility treatment — especially those walking the path alone.
It’s raw. It’s real. Sometimes it’s messy. But it’s honest and human.
IVF is still surrounded by silence and stigma.
It exists behind the scenes of someone’s “official” life — hidden in private calendars, insurance portals, and whispered conversations — while living front and center in their heart, soul, and mind. For many, the process feels lonely, confusing, and even shameful.
No one talks about it. No one teaches you how to survive it emotionally.
This book is a response to that silence. It is a friendly hand reaching out in the middle of a stormy night. No judgment. No perfection. Just truth, vulnerability, and support.
You don’t need to be “ready.”
You don’t need to be brave every day.
You just need to know — you’re not alone.
What You’ll Get:
Step-by-step IVF process explained clearly.
Emotional support, coping tools.
Tips for solo moms, donor decisions.
Financial, legal, ethical insights.
About the author
Hi, I’m Vera.
I wrote this book while raising my baby—after going through IVF on my own. I didn’t write it in a quiet cabin or a cozy office. I wrote it in the in-between moments: during naps, after midnight bottles, while still figuring things out myself.
At 41, I began IVF as a single woman—after years of heartbreak, anxiety, and medical missteps. I was uninformed, overwhelmed, and scared. I jumped in too fast, without a full plan, and ended up sabotaging my own treatment after paying for it and taking the medications. I was alone, nauseous—both from the hormones and from the sinking feeling that I hadn’t prepared myself emotionally or physically.
This isn’t a hero story. It’s a human one.
I’m not a doctor. I’m not a guru. I’m not an influencer.
I’m just someone who made it through—messily—and was blessed with a child.
I wrote this book so you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did.
Don’t be me. Be better than me.
If you’re lost, scared, or unsure—you’re exactly who I wrote this for.
I wrote this book while raising my baby—after going through IVF on my own. I didn’t write it in a quiet cabin or a cozy office. I wrote it in the in-between moments: during naps, after midnight bottles, while still figuring things out myself.
At 41, I began IVF as a single woman—after years of heartbreak, anxiety, and medical missteps. I was uninformed, overwhelmed, and scared. I jumped in too fast, without a full plan, and ended up sabotaging my own treatment after paying for it and taking the medications. I was alone, nauseous—both from the hormones and from the sinking feeling that I hadn’t prepared myself emotionally or physically.
This isn’t a hero story. It’s a human one.
I’m not a doctor. I’m not a guru. I’m not an influencer.
I’m just someone who made it through—messily—and was blessed with a child.
I wrote this book so you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did.
Don’t be me. Be better than me.
If you’re lost, scared, or unsure—you’re exactly who I wrote this for.
📖 Read a Free Sample
Before you buy, you can preview the opening chapters — no email required.
Preface
This book aims to blend theoretical information with personal experiences, lessons learned, and practical recommendations. In each section, I share the steps I took, those I should have taken, and those I avoided during my journey. I also include my thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions at each stage. Important tips and recommendations are highlighted in "Key Takeaways” sections and “Information” boxes for easy reference.
Please note that I am not a professional writer. You may encounter some structural or content nconsistencies, and certain theoretical sections might feel "dry." My sole intention with this book is to share insights from my personal experience undergoing fertility treatment, which resulted in a successful pregnancy and live birth. I also aim to highlight potential pitfalls, turning my moments of weakness or mistakes into opportunities for your strength.
I underwent this process at the age of 41, facing skepticism even from fertility doctors. My journey was surprisingly smooth and free of complications therefore I cannot share experiences I did not have. The goal here is to provide guidance rather than delve into hypothetical complications.
The stigma surrounding IVF and the reluctance of many to share their experiences can make the journey feel lonely, both financially and emotionally draining. So, I encourage you to give yourself grace, embrace love, forgive mistakes, and find room for humor. Remember, attitude is key!
Please note that I am not a professional writer. You may encounter some structural or content nconsistencies, and certain theoretical sections might feel "dry." My sole intention with this book is to share insights from my personal experience undergoing fertility treatment, which resulted in a successful pregnancy and live birth. I also aim to highlight potential pitfalls, turning my moments of weakness or mistakes into opportunities for your strength.
I underwent this process at the age of 41, facing skepticism even from fertility doctors. My journey was surprisingly smooth and free of complications therefore I cannot share experiences I did not have. The goal here is to provide guidance rather than delve into hypothetical complications.
The stigma surrounding IVF and the reluctance of many to share their experiences can make the journey feel lonely, both financially and emotionally draining. So, I encourage you to give yourself grace, embrace love, forgive mistakes, and find room for humor. Remember, attitude is key!
Disclaimer
I wrote this book the same way I went through IVF and early motherhood: imperfectly, honestly, and in the quiet moments I could find—usually between bottle feeds and nap times. You won’t find polished grammar, perfect structure, or expert medical advice in these pages.
What you will find is a companion. A guide written by someone who’s been there. A voice that gets it. I didn’t edit this book into something glossy and staged—because the IVF journey isn’t like that either. It’s messy. It’s raw. It’s real. So is this book. If you’re looking for a friend who’ll tell you the truth without sugarcoating it, who’ll walk alongside you through the uncertainty, then welcome. I wrote this for you.
You’re not alone.
With love,
Vera
What you will find is a companion. A guide written by someone who’s been there. A voice that gets it. I didn’t edit this book into something glossy and staged—because the IVF journey isn’t like that either. It’s messy. It’s raw. It’s real. So is this book. If you’re looking for a friend who’ll tell you the truth without sugarcoating it, who’ll walk alongside you through the uncertainty, then welcome. I wrote this for you.
You’re not alone.
With love,
Vera
Table of contents
Chapter I: Considerations Prior to Fertility Treatment ........................................ 13
Medical Considerations ......................................................................................... 13
Comprehensive Health Evaluation ........................................................................ 13
Preconception Health ............................................................................................ 14
Managing Existing Conditions ................................................................................16
Emotional and Psychological Considerations........................................................ 17
Emotional and Psychological Preparedness ......................................................... 17
Support System .................................................................................................... 20
Stress Management .............................................................................................. 23
Coping with Treatment ......................................................................................... 25
Coping with Unsuccessful Attempts .................................................................... 26
Practical Considerations ....................................................................................... 31
Clinic Selection ...................................................................................................... 31
Time Commitment ................................................................................................. 33
Future Planning ...................................................................................................... 35
Long-Term Considerations ................................................................................... 36
Future Plans and Emotional Closure ..................................................................... 36
Positive Mindset...................................................................................................... 38
Legal Considerations ............................................................................................. 40
Consent and Agreements ...................................................................................... 40
Parental Rights ........................................................................................................ 41
Embryo Ownership and Disposition ....................................................................... 41
Surrogacy Arrangements ........................................................................................ 41
Confidentiality and Privacy ..................................................................................... 41
Financial Agreements ............................................................................................. 41
Employment Rights ................................................................................................. 42
Legal Counsel ......................................................................................................... 42
Posthumous Reproduction ..................................................................................... 42
Financial considerations ........................................................................................ 44
Cost of IVF Treatment ............................................................................................ 44
Insurance Coverage ............................................................................................... 44
Financing Options ................................................................................................... 45
4Multiple Cycles ...................................................................................................... 46
Additional Costs ....................................................................................................... 47
Long-Term Financial Planning ................................................................................. 47
Tax Considerations .................................................................................................. 47
Future Costs ............................................................................................................. 47
Ethical Considerations and Social Impact .............................................................. 49
Ethical Considerations ............................................................................................. 50
Social Impact ............................................................................................................ 51
USA vs overseas clinics ............................................................................................ 56
Pros of Doing IVF Overseas .................................................................................... 56
Cons of Doing IVF Overseas ................................................................................... 57
Pros of Doing IVF in the USA .................................................................................. 58
Cons of Doing IVF in the USA ................................................................................. 58
Chapter II: Fertility treatment as a single parent........................................................................................................................ 61
Donor Source ........................................................................................................... 61
Sperm Bank Donor Pros .......................................................................................... 61
Sperm Bank Donor Cons ........................................................................................ 62
Known Donor Pros .................................................................................................. 63
Known Donor Cons ................................................................................................. 63
Donor Screening ..................................................................................................... 66
Donor Profile ........................................................................................................... 70
Future Family Planning with Sperm Donation ....................................................... 73
Chapter III: The IVF Process: A Step-by-Step Overview ........................................ 77
Ovarian Stimulation ................................................................................................. 77
Trigger Shot and Egg Retrieval ............................................................................... 79
Sperm Collection and Fertilization .......................................................................... 82
Embryo Culture and Development ......................................................................... 84
Genetic Testing ....................................................................................................... 87
Embryo Transfer....................................................................................................... 90
Luteal Phase Support and Pregnancy Test ............................................................ 92
Follow-Up and Additional Steps ............................................................................. 94
Graduation from fertility clinic ................................................................................ 96
Chapter IV: Closing ................................................................................................ 98
Appendix: Essential Resources for Fertility Treatment ......................................... 103
Medical Considerations ......................................................................................... 13
Comprehensive Health Evaluation ........................................................................ 13
Preconception Health ............................................................................................ 14
Managing Existing Conditions ................................................................................16
Emotional and Psychological Considerations........................................................ 17
Emotional and Psychological Preparedness ......................................................... 17
Support System .................................................................................................... 20
Stress Management .............................................................................................. 23
Coping with Treatment ......................................................................................... 25
Coping with Unsuccessful Attempts .................................................................... 26
Practical Considerations ....................................................................................... 31
Clinic Selection ...................................................................................................... 31
Time Commitment ................................................................................................. 33
Future Planning ...................................................................................................... 35
Long-Term Considerations ................................................................................... 36
Future Plans and Emotional Closure ..................................................................... 36
Positive Mindset...................................................................................................... 38
Legal Considerations ............................................................................................. 40
Consent and Agreements ...................................................................................... 40
Parental Rights ........................................................................................................ 41
Embryo Ownership and Disposition ....................................................................... 41
Surrogacy Arrangements ........................................................................................ 41
Confidentiality and Privacy ..................................................................................... 41
Financial Agreements ............................................................................................. 41
Employment Rights ................................................................................................. 42
Legal Counsel ......................................................................................................... 42
Posthumous Reproduction ..................................................................................... 42
Financial considerations ........................................................................................ 44
Cost of IVF Treatment ............................................................................................ 44
Insurance Coverage ............................................................................................... 44
Financing Options ................................................................................................... 45
4Multiple Cycles ...................................................................................................... 46
Additional Costs ....................................................................................................... 47
Long-Term Financial Planning ................................................................................. 47
Tax Considerations .................................................................................................. 47
Future Costs ............................................................................................................. 47
Ethical Considerations and Social Impact .............................................................. 49
Ethical Considerations ............................................................................................. 50
Social Impact ............................................................................................................ 51
USA vs overseas clinics ............................................................................................ 56
Pros of Doing IVF Overseas .................................................................................... 56
Cons of Doing IVF Overseas ................................................................................... 57
Pros of Doing IVF in the USA .................................................................................. 58
Cons of Doing IVF in the USA ................................................................................. 58
Chapter II: Fertility treatment as a single parent........................................................................................................................ 61
Donor Source ........................................................................................................... 61
Sperm Bank Donor Pros .......................................................................................... 61
Sperm Bank Donor Cons ........................................................................................ 62
Known Donor Pros .................................................................................................. 63
Known Donor Cons ................................................................................................. 63
Donor Screening ..................................................................................................... 66
Donor Profile ........................................................................................................... 70
Future Family Planning with Sperm Donation ....................................................... 73
Chapter III: The IVF Process: A Step-by-Step Overview ........................................ 77
Ovarian Stimulation ................................................................................................. 77
Trigger Shot and Egg Retrieval ............................................................................... 79
Sperm Collection and Fertilization .......................................................................... 82
Embryo Culture and Development ......................................................................... 84
Genetic Testing ....................................................................................................... 87
Embryo Transfer....................................................................................................... 90
Luteal Phase Support and Pregnancy Test ............................................................ 92
Follow-Up and Additional Steps ............................................................................. 94
Graduation from fertility clinic ................................................................................ 96
Chapter IV: Closing ................................................................................................ 98
Appendix: Essential Resources for Fertility Treatment ......................................... 103
How it began…
At 40, I found myself in New York, a city teeming with opportunities yet daunting when it came to building a family. Despite a vibrant social life, I found myself stuck in a painful cycle of “actively dating” and “slowly healing from a heartbreak”, still striving to start a family naturally. I had the right values, realistic expectations, a decent career, a cozy apartment, a Bumble profile, and an unwavering desire to settle down. I dated, tried to make it work, and convinced myself at times that it could work—until it didn’t.
Despite an active social and professional life, I never met someone who was both available and ready to start a family. This realization hit me hard. Those who were available weren’t willing, those who were willing weren’t available, and some weren’t ready, wanting to decide “sometime later in life.” At 40, “sometime later” meant after my fertility window had closed.
My life was also profoundly altered by a personal tragedy. About a decade ago, I lost my sister in an accident, leaving me to face immense grief and loss alone. My sister and I were living in the United States while the rest of our family remained overseas. As the only next of kin, I bore the sole responsibility for medical decisions, funeral arrangements, and managing the economic consequences. The weight of my burdens became almost unbearable, a crushing force that grew heavier with each passing day. Work stress, compounded by the lingering scars of a toxic relationship, spiraled into a darkness I could barely contain—PTSD and severe anxiety. For years, I was overwhelmed by anxiety, battling daily panic attacks, nightmares, and a relentless fog of derealization. My mind became a battlefield, and my body a hostage to unending distress.
In desperation, I turned to antidepressant medication, hoping for relief, but the pills only deepened my torment. The dizziness was so intense that every day coming back from work I had to cling to the subway wall, terrified that one misstep might send me tumbling onto the tracks below. My gait was unsteady, my head light, and my resolve crumbling under the weight of survival. In this state, the thought of dating seemed impossible—an unattainable dream reserved for a future far beyond my reach.
It wasn’t until a few years before the world shut down for the COVID-19 pandemic that I began to reclaim fragments of myself. After countless therapy sessions and deep self-reflection, I slowly pieced together the shattered remnants of my well-being. Only then, when the fog began to lift and the panic receded, did the idea of opening my heart to someone new begin to seem possible again.
But then again, just before the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown, I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst that required surgery. However, my OB/GYN failed to inform me of the sonogram results and the underlying medical condition. This negligence was discovered two months later when I returned for another appointment, still experiencing pain. It was only after opening my chart that my doctor realized I hadn’t been informed about the cyst.I was promptly referred to a gynecologic oncologist, but by then, the lockdown had begun, and hospitals were not scheduling non- emergency surgeries. Since my condition wasn’t deemed life-threatening, no surgery could be scheduled for nearly a year. As a result of this delay and oversight, my ovary lost its function and stopped producing eggs. At 40, I found myself with only one functioning ovary and a very low level of Anti Müllerian hormone (AMH), indicating a significantly diminished ovarian reserve and chances of getting pregnant.
In that moment, I faced a sobering realization: my only option was to explore fertility treatment as a single mother. And so, the journey began...
It started with exhaustive research into the myriad of fertility treatments available. I delved into clinic ratings, medications, prices, success rates, and legal considerations, leaving no stone unturned. Yet, the most daunting task was the mental preparation required—overcoming deep-seated fears, societal stigma, and a lack of support, all while battling crippling anxiety.
As I will detail in the following chapters, my journey took me overseas. To achieve pregnancy, I underwent one round of intrauterine insemination (IUI) and two cycles of in vitro fertilization (IVF), which included two egg retrievals and one embryo transfer. This journey wasn't just about fighting to bring a child into the world; it was also a battle against my anxiety, which led to moments of self-sabotage.
Through it all, I remained resilient. In 2022, my perseverance paid off with the birth of my son. He is the precious culmination of my struggles, worth every challenge faced along the way.
Becoming a mother has transformed my perspective on relationships and partnerships, fulfilling my desire for children and reshaping my understanding of commitment. I can clearly see the mistakes I made and, by God’s will, avoided in my quest to become a mother. I now realize that the crucial question is not who will provide the DNA, but who will take responsibility for the life they’ve helped create. Despite the challenges of being a single mom, I am content and happy. Above all, I am grateful that, even while being consumed by the desire to get pregnant, I avoided getting pregnant by the wrong person. Having gone through the process alone, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of choosing the right partner—a partner who will stand by you through fertility treatment, pregnancy, and parenthood.
As I reflect on my journey through IVF, I see not just the challenges and setbacks, but also the immense growth, strength, and resilience I’ve gained along the way. Each injection, every anxious waiting period, and the moments of both heartbreak and hope became stepping stones toward a deeper understanding of myself. IVF tested me in ways I could never have anticipated, but it also allowed me to discover an inner strength I never knew I had.
This process reshaped my perspective on motherhood, showing me that the path to becoming a parent is not always linear or predictable. I learned that motherhood isn’t solely defined by pregnancy or childbirth—it's about the love, intention, and perseverance we bring to the journey. For me, the strength to keep moving forward, even when the odds seemed stacked against me, was a testament to the power of hope and determination.
Through IVF, I’ve come to realize that while the destination is important, the journey itself holds immense value. It is through these trials that I’ve found a deeper connection to myself and my future child. This experience has been a reminder that we are capable of so much more than we often give ourselves credit for. We are stronger than we think, more resilient than we know, and capable of embracing the unknown with courage.
To anyone reading this, know that your journey—whatever form it takes—is valid, and your strength lies in your persistence and belief in your dreams. IVF may not always unfold as planned, but it has the power to shape us into more compassionate, understanding, and empowered individuals. Remember, you are not alone, and this process, though challenging, will leave you with a strength that lasts a lifetime.
This journey is undeniably challenging, and there will be moments when it feels utterly overwhelming. But if I could navigate it despite my anxiety, then believe me, you can too. Be gentle with yourself—acknowledge the struggles, but don’t let them define you. Embrace each challenge as it comes, and make choices that reflect your deepest values. Trust that, in the end, every difficult step will be worth it.
Despite an active social and professional life, I never met someone who was both available and ready to start a family. This realization hit me hard. Those who were available weren’t willing, those who were willing weren’t available, and some weren’t ready, wanting to decide “sometime later in life.” At 40, “sometime later” meant after my fertility window had closed.
My life was also profoundly altered by a personal tragedy. About a decade ago, I lost my sister in an accident, leaving me to face immense grief and loss alone. My sister and I were living in the United States while the rest of our family remained overseas. As the only next of kin, I bore the sole responsibility for medical decisions, funeral arrangements, and managing the economic consequences. The weight of my burdens became almost unbearable, a crushing force that grew heavier with each passing day. Work stress, compounded by the lingering scars of a toxic relationship, spiraled into a darkness I could barely contain—PTSD and severe anxiety. For years, I was overwhelmed by anxiety, battling daily panic attacks, nightmares, and a relentless fog of derealization. My mind became a battlefield, and my body a hostage to unending distress.
In desperation, I turned to antidepressant medication, hoping for relief, but the pills only deepened my torment. The dizziness was so intense that every day coming back from work I had to cling to the subway wall, terrified that one misstep might send me tumbling onto the tracks below. My gait was unsteady, my head light, and my resolve crumbling under the weight of survival. In this state, the thought of dating seemed impossible—an unattainable dream reserved for a future far beyond my reach.
It wasn’t until a few years before the world shut down for the COVID-19 pandemic that I began to reclaim fragments of myself. After countless therapy sessions and deep self-reflection, I slowly pieced together the shattered remnants of my well-being. Only then, when the fog began to lift and the panic receded, did the idea of opening my heart to someone new begin to seem possible again.
But then again, just before the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown, I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst that required surgery. However, my OB/GYN failed to inform me of the sonogram results and the underlying medical condition. This negligence was discovered two months later when I returned for another appointment, still experiencing pain. It was only after opening my chart that my doctor realized I hadn’t been informed about the cyst.I was promptly referred to a gynecologic oncologist, but by then, the lockdown had begun, and hospitals were not scheduling non- emergency surgeries. Since my condition wasn’t deemed life-threatening, no surgery could be scheduled for nearly a year. As a result of this delay and oversight, my ovary lost its function and stopped producing eggs. At 40, I found myself with only one functioning ovary and a very low level of Anti Müllerian hormone (AMH), indicating a significantly diminished ovarian reserve and chances of getting pregnant.
In that moment, I faced a sobering realization: my only option was to explore fertility treatment as a single mother. And so, the journey began...
It started with exhaustive research into the myriad of fertility treatments available. I delved into clinic ratings, medications, prices, success rates, and legal considerations, leaving no stone unturned. Yet, the most daunting task was the mental preparation required—overcoming deep-seated fears, societal stigma, and a lack of support, all while battling crippling anxiety.
As I will detail in the following chapters, my journey took me overseas. To achieve pregnancy, I underwent one round of intrauterine insemination (IUI) and two cycles of in vitro fertilization (IVF), which included two egg retrievals and one embryo transfer. This journey wasn't just about fighting to bring a child into the world; it was also a battle against my anxiety, which led to moments of self-sabotage.
Through it all, I remained resilient. In 2022, my perseverance paid off with the birth of my son. He is the precious culmination of my struggles, worth every challenge faced along the way.
Becoming a mother has transformed my perspective on relationships and partnerships, fulfilling my desire for children and reshaping my understanding of commitment. I can clearly see the mistakes I made and, by God’s will, avoided in my quest to become a mother. I now realize that the crucial question is not who will provide the DNA, but who will take responsibility for the life they’ve helped create. Despite the challenges of being a single mom, I am content and happy. Above all, I am grateful that, even while being consumed by the desire to get pregnant, I avoided getting pregnant by the wrong person. Having gone through the process alone, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of choosing the right partner—a partner who will stand by you through fertility treatment, pregnancy, and parenthood.
As I reflect on my journey through IVF, I see not just the challenges and setbacks, but also the immense growth, strength, and resilience I’ve gained along the way. Each injection, every anxious waiting period, and the moments of both heartbreak and hope became stepping stones toward a deeper understanding of myself. IVF tested me in ways I could never have anticipated, but it also allowed me to discover an inner strength I never knew I had.
This process reshaped my perspective on motherhood, showing me that the path to becoming a parent is not always linear or predictable. I learned that motherhood isn’t solely defined by pregnancy or childbirth—it's about the love, intention, and perseverance we bring to the journey. For me, the strength to keep moving forward, even when the odds seemed stacked against me, was a testament to the power of hope and determination.
Through IVF, I’ve come to realize that while the destination is important, the journey itself holds immense value. It is through these trials that I’ve found a deeper connection to myself and my future child. This experience has been a reminder that we are capable of so much more than we often give ourselves credit for. We are stronger than we think, more resilient than we know, and capable of embracing the unknown with courage.
To anyone reading this, know that your journey—whatever form it takes—is valid, and your strength lies in your persistence and belief in your dreams. IVF may not always unfold as planned, but it has the power to shape us into more compassionate, understanding, and empowered individuals. Remember, you are not alone, and this process, though challenging, will leave you with a strength that lasts a lifetime.
This journey is undeniably challenging, and there will be moments when it feels utterly overwhelming. But if I could navigate it despite my anxiety, then believe me, you can too. Be gentle with yourself—acknowledge the struggles, but don’t let them define you. Embrace each challenge as it comes, and make choices that reflect your deepest values. Trust that, in the end, every difficult step will be worth it.
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A raw, unfiltered guide through IVF — from sleepless nights to silent hopes.
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Sharing what’s hard to say out loud.
Explore my story, lessons, and quiet moments from the IVF road. You’re not alone — and you don’t have to guess your way through.
Explore my story, lessons, and quiet moments from the IVF road. You’re not alone — and you don’t have to guess your way through.
If This Book Helped You — Pass It On
This project was born from quiet moments, hard nights, and the hope that someone out there needed to hear, “You’re not alone.”
If this book touched you—even just a little—you can help me reach someone else who needs it.
I’m working on a project to help women reduce the cost of fertility treatment. Every contribution, no matter how small, helps another woman feel more prepared, more supported, and less alone.
If you’d like to give a little something back, thank you.
It means the world.
Contacts
I’m always happy to hear from readers. Whether it’s a question, a story to share, or just a kind word — feel free to reach out.
Email: vera.ivfmomma@gmail.com
What I Wish I Knew Before My First IUI
I walked into my first IUI full of hope and absolutely no idea what I was doing. I thought I was ready—I’d chosen a clinic, picked a donor, started taking vitamins. I told no one. Not my family, not my friends. I wanted privacy, control. What I got was anxiety, confusion, and a lonely two-week wait. Here’s what I wish someone had told me:
1. Emotional prep is just as important as the hormones.
I thought I could logic my way through the emotions. I couldn’t. The hormones were brutal, but the emotional swings were worse. Give yourself grace. This is not just physical—it’s mental, spiritual, and personal.
2. There’s no “right time.”
I kept thinking I needed to be 100% ready. The truth is, nobody ever is. You just get to a point where the desire outweighs the fear. And that’s enough.
3. You’ll second-guess everything.
Even after the procedure, I wasn’t at peace. I took the morning-after pill the next day out of panic, convinced something was wrong. That moment taught me that fear makes terrible decisions. If I could go back, I’d have a therapist on speed dial and a friend in my corner.
4. Talk to someone. Anyone.
You don’t have to tell everyone. But telling no one? That was a mistake. The silence
amplified everything. Find a friend, a forum, a stranger on Reddit—just don’t go through
it all in your own head. If you’re preparing for your first IUI, let me tell you this: you’re not weak for being scared. You’re brave for trying. And you don’t have to do it perfectly.
1. Emotional prep is just as important as the hormones.
I thought I could logic my way through the emotions. I couldn’t. The hormones were brutal, but the emotional swings were worse. Give yourself grace. This is not just physical—it’s mental, spiritual, and personal.
2. There’s no “right time.”
I kept thinking I needed to be 100% ready. The truth is, nobody ever is. You just get to a point where the desire outweighs the fear. And that’s enough.
3. You’ll second-guess everything.
Even after the procedure, I wasn’t at peace. I took the morning-after pill the next day out of panic, convinced something was wrong. That moment taught me that fear makes terrible decisions. If I could go back, I’d have a therapist on speed dial and a friend in my corner.
4. Talk to someone. Anyone.
You don’t have to tell everyone. But telling no one? That was a mistake. The silence
amplified everything. Find a friend, a forum, a stranger on Reddit—just don’t go through
it all in your own head. If you’re preparing for your first IUI, let me tell you this: you’re not weak for being scared. You’re brave for trying. And you don’t have to do it perfectly.
How to Stay Sane While Waiting for IVF Results
The two-week wait after embryo transfer is like emotional limbo. You’re technically doing nothin —and it feels like the hardest thing in the world. Here’s how I didn’t lose my mind (okay, maybe I did a little—but here’s what helped):
1. No Googling.
Seriously. Put the phone down. No more symptom-spotting, comparing progesterone levels, or reading forums with stories that end in heartbreak. You are not Google’s problem to solve.
2. Set micro-goals.
“Get through the day” is too vague. Try: drink 2L of water. Go for a walk. Watch a trashy show. Text one supportive person. Celebrate finishing each one.
3. Protect your energy.
Some people will ask too many questions. Some will mean well and say the exact wrong thing. Give yourself permission to step back from people who don’t make you feel better right now.
4. Write it out.
Journal. Voice note. Type into your phone’s notes app. Get the swirling thoughts out of your head and into the world. It doesn’t need to be wise or pretty. Just make space in your brain.
5. Have a “worst-case” plan
Not because it will happen—but because your brain wants to feel prepared. Say it out loud: “If it doesn’t work, I’ll cry. I’ll scream. And then I’ll make a new plan.” You’re not being dramatic. You’re being human. And you're not alone in this wait—even if it feels like the longest two weeks of your life.
1. No Googling.
Seriously. Put the phone down. No more symptom-spotting, comparing progesterone levels, or reading forums with stories that end in heartbreak. You are not Google’s problem to solve.
2. Set micro-goals.
“Get through the day” is too vague. Try: drink 2L of water. Go for a walk. Watch a trashy show. Text one supportive person. Celebrate finishing each one.
3. Protect your energy.
Some people will ask too many questions. Some will mean well and say the exact wrong thing. Give yourself permission to step back from people who don’t make you feel better right now.
4. Write it out.
Journal. Voice note. Type into your phone’s notes app. Get the swirling thoughts out of your head and into the world. It doesn’t need to be wise or pretty. Just make space in your brain.
5. Have a “worst-case” plan
Not because it will happen—but because your brain wants to feel prepared. Say it out loud: “If it doesn’t work, I’ll cry. I’ll scream. And then I’ll make a new plan.” You’re not being dramatic. You’re being human. And you're not alone in this wait—even if it feels like the longest two weeks of your life.
Why IVF Is Still a Secret So Many of Us Carry
It’s 2025, and yet… IVF still feels like something we whisper about. I get it. I kept my journey a secret, too. I was scared people would judge me. Or pity me. Or worse—say nothing at all. Here’s what I’ve realized:
1. IVF doesn’t fit the narrative.
We're told that families start with love, sex, and maybe a little magic. IVF doesn't follow that story. It’s clinical. It’s expensive. It's often solo. It makes people uncomfortable—and they don’t know what to say, so you stay silent.
2. It’s wrapped in shame—even when we don’t realize it.
Shame that we couldn’t “do it naturally.” Shame for wanting a child so badly. Shame for spending money we don’t have. We carry it even when we know it’s irrational.
3. People only see the baby—if one arrives.
But the process? The shots, the loss, the waiting, the mental load? That’s invisible. So we bury it deep. We move on. And that silence keeps the cycle going. I’m not writing this from a soapbox. I kept my IVF secret, too. But now? I’m done whispering. Because when we speak about it—even in messy, unfinished words—someone else out there feels less alone. And that’s how shame loses its grip.So if IVF is your secret, I see you. I respect your privacy. But when you’re ready—your story matters. And it deserves to be heard.
1. IVF doesn’t fit the narrative.
We're told that families start with love, sex, and maybe a little magic. IVF doesn't follow that story. It’s clinical. It’s expensive. It's often solo. It makes people uncomfortable—and they don’t know what to say, so you stay silent.
2. It’s wrapped in shame—even when we don’t realize it.
Shame that we couldn’t “do it naturally.” Shame for wanting a child so badly. Shame for spending money we don’t have. We carry it even when we know it’s irrational.
3. People only see the baby—if one arrives.
But the process? The shots, the loss, the waiting, the mental load? That’s invisible. So we bury it deep. We move on. And that silence keeps the cycle going. I’m not writing this from a soapbox. I kept my IVF secret, too. But now? I’m done whispering. Because when we speak about it—even in messy, unfinished words—someone else out there feels less alone. And that’s how shame loses its grip.So if IVF is your secret, I see you. I respect your privacy. But when you’re ready—your story matters. And it deserves to be heard.